Single mom of twin boys: year one

It's been just under one year since I left the boys dad after I found out he was cheating on me, or actively pursuing it. Which put them as still, very infantile. Very fragile. Very much to handle. We were living with his parents, and when I found out (by calling the girl he was hooking up with), I told his parents what there amazingly incapable son was doing, and I was told to move out, and ruining their lives. I really stood in shock for a good few minutes. I told my family what happened and they offered their home in Arizona. So the very next day I packed all my things, brought them to my friends house and left, with my boys in tow. Which his family did not expect me to do. They REALLY expected me to leave my poor innocent BABIES behind. That was to say the least, insulting. I moved in with my family and took on these two amazing creatures on my own. I still have no idea how I did it. I just look back at it and remember knowing that that was the only option. Sure, there were days I was in tears from lack of sleep. Lack of showers, lack of food, lack of plain energy. But I got to teach two humans to crawl, to eat, to walk, to walk! And they are so funny, its amazing. I was in Arizona for 8 months with very little help, and lots of drama. I tried to work things out with their father, who only further proved to me that he isn't suitable as my partner by lying, again, about sleeping with someone else... and creating a huge std scare for me. Swearing he would make things right, move to az to have our own family, and a clean slate. After I punch him in the face. And with in a few short months, I was convinced into moving back with his parents. Something I swore I would never do. Nothing was changing. I visited for Christmas, and things were right where they were when I left. He was still a compulsive liar, a slob, and a leech. Refusing to man up and really take care of our family, while I sacrificed friendships, my relationship with my family, and my self respect in giving it one last shot with him. Well, my parents got fed up with him visiting. My dad couldn't (still can't) stand the sight of his face. And with out so much as saying, asked me and my one year old children to leave. So where do I live now? This is the best part... we live in a Christian community for single mothers back in California. Basically, we are considered homeless. Isn't that sweet? I'm not in any means saying bad things about where I live. However, I'm not proud. I have benefited greatly since moving here. It's a great program in getting single moms back on their feet. I'm enrolled in my dream school to start in June, and am on a wait list for when I am done to get a three bedroom apartment for the boys and I at a great, phenomenal, discount. Things I couldn't accomplish in AZ, or with him. I have them 90 percent of the month. He gets them every other weekend. Its been quite a journey, I must say. Being on anti dependants and anxiety meds in az helped, but it was a short term answer. I really feel like, even though its harder, the boys and I are on a better path now than we ever attempted. I know its not going to get easier, but different. I guess I had to establish my story with them, before I could my day-to-day with them. Which is pretty amazing. Like me just looking over to them emptying a drawer and me asking if they really had to do this. All I got were big eyes and a HUH? Lol. I look forward to having a place to post my daily thoughts. Single mom with twins. I neverrrr saw that coming. Lol.

Single mom of twin boys: year one